So the inevitable has happened: I’ve cycled through the men of the Greater Boston Area… at least the ones that I consider to be my type. I’m fairly certain this was a plot line of Sex and the City at some point, but my addled brain is unable to remember it. It was most likely a Samantha storyline, which, if that’s the case, is pretty bad. To make matters worse, this wasn’t a date that originally occurred years ago; it was someone I had a date with over the fall. The whole thing has actually thrown me a bit more than some of my other dates. If they are bad, that’s fine and I just won’t go out with the person again. But apparently if they are mediocre and the person wasn’t quite memorable, I will somehow end up on a re-date. In this case, I blame a new set of profile pictures, both for my date and myself.
Aside: I know a few of you might have noticed that I said I went on this date in the fall and that you are probably thinking, “that cheating good-for-nothing was dating someone at that point!” Now slow your role, step out of the 50s with phrases like “good-for-nothing” and allow me to explain… Yes, I began a relationship in April of 2014 which then ended in March of 2015. So yes, technically, I was attached in the fall. However, during this particular time period, my significant other had been away for three weeks (over my birthday, no less) and had not once reached out to me. Being that this was not the first time this had happened, I began to assume that we were perhaps breaking up (and yes, looking back, we probably should have at that point. I mean, the guy never even said “happy birthday” to me!) That being said, I feel that my brief foray back into the Tinder-sphere at that point was completely justified. And in all honesty, I only had the one date that didn’t even result in a goodnight kiss, so I’m pretty sure this does not make me a cheating floozy.
So now allow me to present “A Tale of Two Dates”….
Mid-September 2014
During a dull workday and still seething a bit from being snubbed on my birthday by the person I was seeing, I decided to swipe through Tinder a bit. At some point, I eventually matched and started chatting back and forth with someone. His pictures and the conversation didn’t appear to have any red flags (no kids, no wedding band tan line, no evident serial killer tendencies), so we made plans to meet up that afternoon at the gazebo in the Common for a run. Appreciating the fact that this date wasn’t going to require me getting dressed up (or showering), I changed into my workout clothes, laced up my running shoes, and headed out. Upon arriving, I noticed someone I assumed was my date idling around the gazebo. However, since this guy was wearing khakis and dress shoes, I assumed the person I was to meet hadn’t arrived yet. I walked around the Common a bit before becoming slightly irritated that he was late (tardiness is such a turn-off) and sending a text. That’s when I noticed the guy in the khakis was texting on his phone. Apparently, this was my date and he had changed his mind about the run. Ok, that’s fine. I don’t usually like to get sweaty on a first date anyway (read that however you choose), but maybe mention that before I head over looking like I’m about to do a 5K.
Instead of the run, we decided to walk around the Common…and around and around the Common. I swear, we walked the outer perimeter of the park about 10 times. The conversation started out okay, but by lap 4, I was starting to feel that the conversation was going in circles….literally. We kept talking about the same things because we really didn’t have anything in common. Work, hobbies, family. He also mentioned he was previously married and a former Mormon, so I asked some questions about both and then mentioned how much I loved Book of Mormon when I saw it on Broadway. He wasn’t quite as ex-“religulous” as he initially led on and seemed rather irritated when I brought that up, so I backed off. All in all, we ended up chatting for a few hours, then parted ways with an awkward half-hug. He did text me the next day and we went back and forth a bit, but it eventually tapered off…and the guy I was supposedly in a relationship with came back.
Early June 2015
Realizing I haven’t had much to write about since my “hell week” of dating (I’ve been on a few good dates since, but they don’t usually give me any material to write about), I started being a bit less picky on Tinder. With the additional right swipes and posting a few pictures through the “Moments” section, I ended up striking up conversations with a few new prospects. After some back and forth with one of them, we decided to get together for coffee after work. Not liking to stray far, I suggested the Starbucks in my area and started to get ready to head over. Upon arriving, I noticed a couple of guys that looked similar to the profile pictures of the guy I was supposed to meet. To avoid looking like a nutter by walking up to a random person and asking if they were my Tinder date, I decided to send him a message. A few seconds later, one of the look-alikes stands up and motions for me to come over. Imagine my surprise when I walked over to find my September date.
After waiting a bit for him to register that we had already tried this before, I eventually said “Hm…this is awkward.”
“What do you mean?”
Oh fuck, he doesn’t remember me. A bit stung by the fact that the date left no impression on him, I said “Well, I’m pretty sure that we had a date in the fall. Do you not remember me?”
“Oh no, I recognized you from your first picture on Tinder. Remembered you right away.”
“Then why didn’t you mention it at any point in our conversation?”
“Well, I figured we could try again and see how it goes this time.”
Okay, I mean, that’s sweet, I suppose, right? We ended up chatting for about a half hour before I told him I needed to head home. The conversation had started to do the same cyclical thing it had done in the fall, and I still wasn’t feeling it almost 9 months later. Also, I think I was a bit taken aback by the fact that he never mentioned that he recognized me during our conversations. True, if I had recognized him and remembered the date, I probably wouldn’t have met him for coffee. Besides the sorta-boyfriend, there was a reason the communication tapered off in the fall: there really wasn’t any chemistry.
I’m making an effort to be a little less snarky (both in blogging and in everyday life), so I’m not going to berate the poor guy for wanting a second go at it. He obviously recognized my awesomeness and wanted to try again (that was sarcasm, in case it wasn’t quite evident). Right now I’m just feeling a little…meh…about the whole thing. I’m pretty sure I had my classic “Erin face” on the entire time. For those of you who have not had the opportunity to see this face in person, it’s best described a raised upper right lip and left eyebrow, scrunched forehead, and a look in my eyes that says “Are you fucking serious, dude?” Family and close friends know it well.
With that being said, I think I might need to figure out a way to geolocate anyone I’ve dated so I can be sure to avoid them. Or else, I might just have to move.
Catch and Release 