PARENTAL ADVISORY – Mum & Dad & any relative really, do not read any further. You won’t like it. But seriously, just don’t. Please.
As I continue my attempt at adulting, there is a growing list of things that I’m finding to be extremely difficult to almost impossible:
- Putting a duvet inside the cover
- Walking down a slick or icy sidewalk/my front stairs without falling on my ass (I swear, I need to get spikes for my shoes)
- Poaching an egg
- Giving a fuck about dating
And now, as I enter from my early 30s to my mid-30s, I’m realizing it’s not going to get any easier. However, I’m also of the mindset that I don’t really give a shit, so it’s really a strange place in my head at the moment. Sort of like this endless loop of “do I care or do I not care?”
Most recently, I’ve been going into dates with a complete kamikaze attitude: just be myself, do whatever the fuck I want, and if the guy doesn’t like me, good riddance/fuck right off. I figure that I’m too old at this point to waste time pretending to be the “cool chick” (thanks, Gone Girl, for defining what I’ve found to be my approach for the past decade), so I’m just going to be me. There have been dates where I haven’t worn any makeup, where I’ve left directly from work while wearing running tights and sneakers, and so so so many dates where I’ve brought Ace along. (I figure if you can handle my dog being all over you until you feed or pet him, then you’re probably worth keeping around for a bit.) And more often than not, I will just be a little bit of a bitch. Nothing outrageous, just basically my everyday, sarcastic (maybe slightly mocking) self.
A great example of this happened somewhat recently…
Before I went to Europe, I matched with and started talking to a guy just outside of Boston. He seemed pretty cool (insanely tall, bearded, kind of lumberjack-y) and our conversation clicked. We continued to chat while I was away, with things getting more flirty/semi-sextual (and yes, I meant sext, not sex). At one point, he ended up saying something that just rubbed me the wrong way, and I stopped chatting as much. By the time I returned home, I didn’t think that anything would come from hanging out with this guy, but a super shit work week clouded my judgement and I met him at his apartment after work one day. The intention was to watch a movie, but I knew in his mind it would be more of a Netflix and chill kind of thing. Before I left, I made a point to text him that I would NOT be sleeping over, to which he replied, “Well, I didn’t ask you to.” A blasé attitude on my part is okay, but when a guy does it (especially regarding a potential sexual encounter), it’s a total turn off. Anyway. As I rode over in an Uber, I could feel myself becoming less and less interested in hanging out and started to think about what I was going to do.
When I got there, we said hello and settled on the couch to watch a terrible movie, Deepwater Horizon (I love our local boy, Marky Mark, but trust me, don’t bother). There was some chit chat, but I just wasn’t feeling into it at all. Eventually I realized that he had mentioned earlier in our text conversation that he was sick, and coming over was an even stupider idea than I initially thought…but it was also my way to politely remove myself from the situation.
Casually, I looked at my FitBit and said “Okay, I’m still on London time, so I need to leave here in an hour to get to bed. That being said, I’m not going to hook up with you because you are sick, so let’s just watch the rest of the movie and then I’ll take off.” Pretty sure he wasn’t expecting me to say that, and he quickly tried to impress upon me that his sickness wasn’t contagious at this point (Uh, still, no thanks. Don’t want to risk it.). He then proceeded to ask me if we weren’t going to make out, could we still do other stuff? I told him that because of all the shit going on with work, my head just wasn’t in a good space to do anything (which was actually 100% legit), but if he really wanted, I’d watch him. Ugh, I know. I hate myself for even allowing it, but having come out of a relationship where that kind of thing was par for the course, I figured it’d be fine. Once he took care of himself, I said something along the lines of “cool, well, that was nice” and summoned an Uber. Side note: I’m going to make a point to restrict my distance in these apps to avoid the expense associated with these crap encounters; at least if they are going to be shitty, I want them to occur within walking/T distance of my apartment. But anyway.
With all that occurred, I was extremely surprised to get a text from him the next day asking how work was (it appears he was listening when I told him I was considering quitting the next day). We had some friendly messages back and forth and then stopped talking.
There is a little more to this story, but it goes along with one of my next topics (ghosting) so I’ll touch upon the rest in an upcoming post. But long story short, sometimes it’s fun to go into these dates just not giving a shit, but not expecting too much. And don’t bother going if it requires an Uber.
Catch and Release 